Session 7. Jealousy is a process

I greet you with great pleasure, as every Thursday, continuing the theme that we have been working on since the month of September began.

Last week we talked about envy as an unconscious and primitive feeling. I say unconscious because it is not easy for us to realize it… The it; and only through psychoanalysis do we have access to this reservoir of memories, fantasies, repressions, etc., that inhabit our internal world. When I say primitive I mean that it originates in the first years of life. I don’t want you to imagine a group of people dressed in fur and living in some cave. Well.

If you read the word “jealousy”, you will surely think about the issue of the couple and the conflicts that arise because of them. We will take the time to talk more in front of the couples, their joys and setbacks.

Our process of psychological maturity occurs at different times or stages. Sigmund Freud, who we will talk about in more detail next week, presents us with five stages of psychosexual development: oral, anal, phallic, latency and genital stages, and in each of the stages the child matures and develops the necessary resources to move on to the next stage, although there may also be some fixations on some of them. Well, let’s talk about the first stage, the oral stage, which mainly covers the first year of life. Dads, moms, in truth, in truth I tell you that the first year of a child’s life is decisive in the development process of their children, and it is very, very important that in this first stage the mother dedicates herself to raising the baby , to register and meet your needs in a timely manner, or frustrate them optimally without falling into negligence. As we would also say. Not much that burns the saint, not so much that it does not illuminate him, because be careful, parents, giving everything to your children always also makes them sick.

Weren’t we talking about jealousy? In the first months of life, the baby does not manage to recognize the mother in her entirety, since she gradually incorporates her in different aspects, until integration is achieved. First it is related to its aroma, the chest, look, the touch when feeding; when bathed or dressed. All this is gradually libidinizing the baby, what does it mean? Let’s say simply: the mother’s touch allows her to experience herself as loved. And it is, until the eighth month of life, when something called, “the anguish of the eighth month” occurs, which is a process of maturity in which the child already fully recognizes the mother and discriminates against her among other people. That is, he knows who the mother is and who is not, that’s why he gets crying when someone else wants to carry him. And it is obvious, the baby knows that he cannot be in a better place than in the arms of his mother. That, please, nobody moves it from there. By the way, this is also decisive for the establishment of subsequent interpersonal relationships. If last week we said that envy shows us what we perceive as a lack, in the case of jealousy, the person feels displaced. Having internalized a pleasant experience of love, there is a record of what it feels like to be loved unconditionally, but until this moment, the relationship was between two: mom and baby, however, inevitably, in some scene of this play called life will make its appearance a character: the father. And what happens, will the baby be displaced? Will love no longer be whole for him? It is jealous. That is why, even when there are those who say that jealousy is not good, jealousy is healthier than envy. Feeling jealous indicates a more advanced movement in the process of psychic development.

If the person had what Winnicott calls a good enough mother, this will have helped him to internalize a basic self-confidence that allows him to tolerate his jealousy, and to discover that, although he feels threatened, this feeling is an internal feeling. but in the end, the object does not give up. Jealousy is healthier than envy, but that’s not why I’m saying it’s okay to be jealous. If it is causing you difficulties, do not hesitate to consult a mental health professional. Until next week. Peace and good †.

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